Not only do I see what you're driving at, but I suspect you and I were never far apart in our beliefs, to begin with. And I never suggested that *just* having good intentions solves the whole problem. At least, I don't think I did; it was very late.
So yes, being sorry is an important part, although it did occur to me our well intentioned offending person could insist that what he did or said *wasn't* offensive except to very thin skinned people, and so refuse to apologize. For instance, a woman called me once to say she was reporting me to the Prosecutor's Office for inciting cruelty to animals, because of something I'd written in a column. (I write a humor column. That's widely known, and yet for some reason people who lack a sense of humor keep reading it.)
I did not, nor will I ever, apologize to her, because she's one of those people who simply takes offense at the drop of a pirates hat, without taking anything in context. (Let me be clear that this is NOT the case with you.) And yet she'll go to her grave thinking I'm a terrible cat hater -- as if there could be such a thing. In a case like that, it becomes an "I'm right" -- "No, I'm right" situation in which a truly subjective listener probably won't understand what all the fuss is about.
I'm nit-picking; the cannibal question is nothing like the scenario I described because, whether it was meant to be or not, even thick skinned people would have to admit parts of "Pirates" were offensive. My problem is that I take 911 calls for a living, and after spending 8 hours with that crap (on a related note, all of us do *not* strive to be decent schmucks), the serious part of my mind shuts down, and refuses to take offense at anything. What it all boils down to is, just because I don't mind something doesn't make it all right. In that, we can agree.
driving
So yes, being sorry is an important part, although it did occur to me our well intentioned offending person could insist that what he did or said *wasn't* offensive except to very thin skinned people, and so refuse to apologize. For instance, a woman called me once to say she was reporting me to the Prosecutor's Office for inciting cruelty to animals, because of something I'd written in a column. (I write a humor column. That's widely known, and yet for some reason people who lack a sense of humor keep reading it.)
I did not, nor will I ever, apologize to her, because she's one of those people who simply takes offense at the drop of a pirates hat, without taking anything in context. (Let me be clear that this is NOT the case with you.) And yet she'll go to her grave thinking I'm a terrible cat hater -- as if there could be such a thing. In a case like that, it becomes an "I'm right" -- "No, I'm right" situation in which a truly subjective listener probably won't understand what all the fuss is about.
I'm nit-picking; the cannibal question is nothing like the scenario I described because, whether it was meant to be or not, even thick skinned people would have to admit parts of "Pirates" were offensive. My problem is that I take 911 calls for a living, and after spending 8 hours with that crap (on a related note, all of us do *not* strive to be decent schmucks), the serious part of my mind shuts down, and refuses to take offense at anything. What it all boils down to is, just because I don't mind something doesn't make it all right. In that, we can agree.