Not only do I see what you're driving at, but I suspect you and I were never far apart in our beliefs, to begin with. And I never suggested that *just* having good intentions solves the whole problem. At least, I don't think I did; it was very late.

So yes, being sorry is an important part, although it did occur to me our well intentioned offending person could insist that what he did or said *wasn't* offensive except to very thin skinned people, and so refuse to apologize. For instance, a woman called me once to say she was reporting me to the Prosecutor's Office for inciting cruelty to animals, because of something I'd written in a column. (I write a humor column. That's widely known, and yet for some reason people who lack a sense of humor keep reading it.)

I did not, nor will I ever, apologize to her, because she's one of those people who simply takes offense at the drop of a pirates hat, without taking anything in context. (Let me be clear that this is NOT the case with you.) And yet she'll go to her grave thinking I'm a terrible cat hater -- as if there could be such a thing. In a case like that, it becomes an "I'm right" -- "No, I'm right" situation in which a truly subjective listener probably won't understand what all the fuss is about.

I'm nit-picking; the cannibal question is nothing like the scenario I described because, whether it was meant to be or not, even thick skinned people would have to admit parts of "Pirates" were offensive. My problem is that I take 911 calls for a living, and after spending 8 hours with that crap (on a related note, all of us do *not* strive to be decent schmucks), the serious part of my mind shuts down, and refuses to take offense at anything. What it all boils down to is, just because I don't mind something doesn't make it all right. In that, we can agree.